being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
