I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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