so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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