TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
