just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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