Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
