What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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