Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
