Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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