yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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