if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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