I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
