You work out of a Hotel?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
