Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
