He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
