I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
