i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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