i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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