Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
