either way he was missing a nipple.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
