im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
