I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
