nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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