ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
