We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
