I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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