I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
