My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
People in love make me want to vomit
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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