So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They took my balls.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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