just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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