why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
