I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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