TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
