I'm lost and stupid without you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
