How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
