I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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