the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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