Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
