My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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