Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
