I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
