also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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