If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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