When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
