i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
