between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Four minutes until I can fart!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
