Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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