I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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