no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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