some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
