There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
