I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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