Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
